Have Ultimate Fun: computer jokes

Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Joke: Welcome Stranger

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town.

From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger... he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies. If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game.

He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind. Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions,but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home - not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our long time visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.

My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol but the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.. I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger.

Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked ... And NEVER asked to leave. More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

His name?
.
.
.
.
We just call him 'TV.'
(Note: This should be required reading for every household!)

He has a wife now....we call her 'Computer.'

Their first child is "Cell Phone".

Second child "I Pod "

And JUST BORN THIS YEAR WAS a Grandchild: IPAD

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Joke: Logic

Ashok, a fresh computer graduate from a world- class University, goes
for an interview in a software company.

The interviewer is Sunder, a grubby old man. And the first question
he asks Ashok is, 'Are you good at logic?'

'Of course,' replies Ashok.

'Let me test you,' replies Sunder. 'Two men come down a chimney. One
comes with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face.
Which one would wash his face?'

Ashok stares at Sunder. 'Is that a test in Logic?' Sunder nods.

'The one with the dirty face washes his face', Ashok answers wearily.

'Wrong. The one with the clean face washes his face. Examine the
simple logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the
clean face and thinks his face is clean. The one with the clean face
looks at the one with the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. So,
the one with the clean face washes his face.'

'Hmm. I never thought of that," says Ashok. 'Give me another test.'

Sunder holds up two fingers, 'Two men come down a chimney. One comes
out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which
one washes his face?'

'We have already established that. The one with the clean face washes
his face.'

'Wrong. Each one washes one's face. Examine the simple logic. The one
with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his
face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the
dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. So, the one with the clean
face washes his face. When the one with the dirty face sees the one
with the clean face washing his face, he also washes his face. So each
one washes one's face.'

'I didn't think of that!' says Ashok. 'It's shocking to me that I could
make an error in logic. Test me again!'

Sunder holds up two fingers, 'Two men come down a chimney. One comes
out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which
one washes his face?'

'Each one washes his face.'

'Wrong. Neither one washes his face. Examine the simple logic. The
one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks
his face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with
the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. But when the one with
clean face sees that the one with the dirty face doesn't wash his face,
he also doesn't wash his face. So neither one washes his face.'

Ashok is desperate. 'I am qualified for this job. Please give me one
more test!'

He groans when Sunder lifts his two fingers, 'Two men come down a
chimney. One comes out with a clean face and the other comes out with a
dirty face. Which one washes his face?'

'Neither one washes his face', Ashok replies, 'I have learnt this logic.'

'Wrong, again. Do you now see, Ashok, why programming knowledge is
insufficient for this job? Tell me, how is it possible for two men to
come down the same chimney, and for one to come out with a clean face
and the other with a dirty face? Don't you see the flaw in the premise?'